We’re all doomed! DOOMED!!!
No. We’re not.
Seriously, we’re not. If you’re worried about that, maybe after reading some end of the world nonsense you found elsewhere, relax, please. We’re safe. We’re safer than a kitten sleeping in the folds of a blanket in front of a flickering fire on a cold winter’s night.
But if you’re one of the tin foil hat wearing, conspiracy theory believing, X Files obsessed, fruit loop “The End Is Nigh!” nutters who lives in their parents’ basement and spends hours reading about Mayan Calendars, UFOs, Moon Landing Hoaxes and the like, this isn’t the blog for you. Kindly leave. No, really, I mean it. See that red “X” at the top right of the page? Click on it and **** off. You’re not welcome here.
I can imagine what some of you are thinking now. “That’s a bit harsh, Stu, no need for that.” But I don’t think it is a bit harsh, and this is my blog, my attempt to educate and inform people about ISON, so what I say goes.
But it’s not just that. Sadly, nowadays anything a) astronomical and b) rare gets hijacked by a bunch of absolute dribble-drooling crazies nowadays, people with far too much spare time on their hands and, sadly, access to a computer and the internet. These nutters set up a blog, a Twitter account or a YouTube channel and any new discovery – a comet, asteroid, whatever – is quickly kidnapped by them and heralded as proof that the world is going to end, or that God is angry with us, or both! It’s bizarre. These people actually seem to relish the thought of billions of people dying and human civilisation being wiped out, and are even disappointed when it doesn’t happen! Take all that Mayan crap at the end of last year. It was always rubbish – the Mayans never predicted the end of the world, it was modern 21st century idiots who twisted the whole calendar thing into something stupid – and when the world didn’t end on the day it was predicted to they all backtracked, insisting the calculations were wrong, or the translation was wrong. Doomsday was just delayed, not cancelled.
Prats and f***wits. I have no time for them. I’m quite sure none of you reading this hold such beliefs, you’ve come here looking for practical advice and oserving information. But if this is you…
…then seriously, this isn’t the place for you. A quick Google search for “Comet+ISON+bull****” will find somewhere where you’ll be welcome. Or do a twitter search for #cometison and you’ll meet all kinds of crazies there, most with ridiculous names involving the Illuminati, or “Truth” (ironic, as they wouldn’t recognise the truth if it kicked them in the genitals), or “Revelation” or some reference to the Bible. My personal favourites are the losers whose Twitter names have some reference to 2012 in them. Obviously they set up those Twitter accounts in 2012 when they were screaming at everyone how the world was going to end. That they’re still here, and were proved totally wrong, seems to have escaped them. Bit pathetic that.
It’s incredible, it really is, the amount of sheer BS being put about by these people. So, just to quickly go through the current favourite delusions of these gibbering, drooling halfwits… and more will have been added by the time you finish reading this list, I’m sure…
* Comet ISON is not “Nibiru”, the ‘tenth planet’ destined to collide with, and destroy, Earth. (We know this because Nibiru is TOTALLY fictional, a fantasy made up by idiots with no knowledge of astronomy, and no willingness to learn anything about it).
* Comet ISON will not hit the Earth. (We know this because the comet’s orbit has been calculated with *great* accuracy, not just by NASA and ‘Officials’ but by many amateur astronomers, with their own equipment, completely independantly. In fact, in astronomical terms, we’re not even going to have a “near miss” with Comet ISON, which is a shame, because if it came closer we’d see it better…)
* Comet ISON’s arrival in the sky will not usher in a new Dark Age, herald the birth of the Antichrist, or trigger earthquakes or revolutions. Nor will it mean the onset of plaques, or the final clippy cloppy gallops of the Horsmen of the Apocalypse. (We know this because – well, it’s just crap, let’s be honest!)
* Comet ISON is NOT going to drag Mars out of its orbit and pull it towards the Earth. (I’m not making that up, some people actually believe that might happen…)
* Comet ISON is not (and boy, I love this!) “The Red Hand of Death”. It is not going to shower Earth with finger-like tendrils of poisonous chemicals and wipe us all out.
* Comet ISON is NOT … deep breath… an alien Habitat called “Xanterexx” with 1000s of alien beings on it. (We know this because – oh come on…!!!)
* Comet ISON is not “already pelting Earth with debris”, as some YouTube vids are showing. (We know this because the comet is currently further away than Mars, on the opposite side of the Sun, and its tail is pointing away from us, so it’s, you know, PHYSICALLY FREAKING IMPOSSIBLE!!!!)
* Comet ISON is NOT “changing course”, and “puzzling experts”. If experts are puzzled about anything it’s about how some people – people who are otherwise smart enough to use computers and the internet – are so bloody stupid and gullible, or both, that they actually believe this rubbish.
* Comet ISON can NOT cause solar flares “with its gravity”. Think about it… teeny tiny comet, made of ice, vs a HUGE bloated HUGE ball of ridiculously hot ball of gas. Which has the stronger gravity? Numpties.
Want to know the basic truth?
We know ALL those things are BS because Comet ISON – and the clue is in the name – is a COMET, a big ball of dirty ice, melting in the warmth and light of the Sun as it whizzes around it, and we’ll see it in our sky for a while before it heads back out into the darkness. End Of Story.
If you’re one of the people who believe that crap and are still here, then seriously, why ARE you? Sorry to sound rude, but really you people need to get a life.
If I found a genie lamp in a cave tomorrow, one of my 3 wishes would be for someone to invent a computer virus to roll through the whole internet like a digital tsunami, swilling from it every conspiracy nut’s website, scouring it clean of the delusional rantings of every single Apollo Hoax believer, UFO nut and Comet ISON Doom-mongerer.
Ok, rant over. Now everyone, go look at the maps and get ready to see something beautiful in the sky… 🙂